Think of all the arguments and conflict you have in your relationship. Most of the time, these conflicts are not the real discrepancy: they are not the real point of pain. They are only those vehicles that are safe enough and close enough to the real issue so that the conflict and drama may be carried out, but resolution is never possible when you are not chasing the real problem.
So for instance, I see couples all the time in my office conflicted over money, control, sex, in-laws, or even children. The deeper truth, however, is the conflict might actually be over respect or unconditional forgiveness or other deep rooted psychological programs and patterns. But the couple cannot fight over those issues because they are far too dangerous to the relationship and really to the Self. They will invest time and energy in what they unconsciously select as an appropriate program to argue.
Most relationships are not magical (over 90%.) Not because they can’t or don’t, it’s because they don’t know what magic means to them, what it looks like, or the road map to get there. Relationships for the most part are unconscious, and we are not taught how to do this even though we are educated to the nth degree in many areas in our lives.
In knowing how to have healthy relationships, the first critical area to understand is setting the standard either with your spouse within the relationship or for your search. Some may call these rules, but standards carry more weight, commitment, and criticality. On the negative side, for instance, if you have a low standard around fidelity or physical abuse it is much easier for you to cheat or strike your significant other. That’s pretty obvious. What is less so is our standards for communication, conflict resolution, seeking a common success vs. avoiding the common pain, etc. Magical relationships really drive standards into every area of their relationship.
Focus on, practice, and commit to the highest standards of integrity, truth, honor, and commitment in every area of your relationship.
Before you know it, you will no longer ask yourself how to have healthy relationships, and watch the real magic that develops (and if you can’t do this either because you’re in pain or your search hasn’t yielded you your soul mate or true lifetime partner – there is a reason why you’re blocked)
You deserve an extraordinary, magical, and awesome love…